The Nihilist’s Prayer

God, please give me the strength

to get up in the morning,

to face the day with a smile on my face

while inside me all is chaos and anger,

and I want nothing more

than to curl up in a ball and weep.

 

God, give me the strength

to refrain from destroying the world,

to keep my feelings inside myself,

my face impassive like a jade mask,

to keep myself from burning down the universe,

to sing the song that ends the world

with a requiem of ashes and fire.

 

God, please give me the courage

that will allow me to seem human

because if I ever doubt myself, I will be destroyed,

and like a cartoon coyote

plummet thousands of feet to the canyon floor.

Help me to walk this tightrope

between ecstasy and despair,

and convince me to keep my balance

when all I want to do is fall.

 

God, please help me to see humanity in others,

to believe that every person has a person inside her,

and she is not just a sack of bones and meat

trying to convince herself that she has free will,

trying to convince herself that she can think for herself,

a side of beef screaming her existence to the unfeeling skies.

 

God, please help me to forget

that the world will end someday,

and all the hopes and dreams and sorrows,

fighters and lovers and saints and sinners,

will one day be gone,

this speck of dust we live on

transmuted into the heart of a black hole,

and then evaporated into nothing,

radiation echoing forever in eternal darkness.

 

If you exist, God,

then please give me this strength.

Nobody else will.

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