Posts Tagged ‘food’

Okay. In order to illustrate the below conversation, here is an image:

 

This infernal device (for lack of a better word) is known as the HAVE A BLAST! BUTT PUTT. In case you are wondering, yes, this is a putting green where you attempt to knock a golf ball up a fat plastic white-man anus. Why this product exists, I have no idea. But it does exist, for reasons that I cannot fathom– and must not, for I intend to retain my sanity.

Now. Gabby came across a picture of this… thing… in a catalog that was sent out through the mail, full of useless things for useless people to spend their shiny gold rocks on. Upon viewing the aforesaid item, a conversation thus proceeded:

GABBY: Ooh! Have-a-Blast Butt Putt!

ME: (mishearing) Apple Blast Butt Pie?

CALUM: No– it’s Have-a-Blast Butt Putt.

ME: I think that Apple Blast Butt Pie is far worse.

GABBY: Yeah, you’re probably right.

Because I’m curious, I wonder if I could create a recipe for Apple Blast Butt Pie. And if I did, how far would my mind descend into madness, into the realm where nothing exists but the sound of me inside my head, my endless screams echoing off the walls of my skull?

~ Ian

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Gaaah… tired…

I promised you guys a second Maker Faire post though, so here it is.

My previous post brought you guys up to lunchtime. With that in mind, I’m going to talk some about the things that happened after lunch. Here we are with Episode V (which, not surprisingly, is the best of the trilogy), which contains giant cast-iron sculptures that shoot flame, children engaged in combat, and snails.

 

What does one have for lunch at the Maker Faire? Well, typically, a big plate of this:

This is paella. For those of you who don’t know, paella is a Spanish dish that is prepared by taking a net, dragging it across the bottom of the sea, and cooking whatever you catch in it.

It’s by far the most popular dish at the Maker Faire, so the line was huge. As much as I enjoy todos los mariscos, I decided to avoid the line, instead choosing to get a gigantic gyro and a cup of lemonade that had no sugar in it, so it tasted more like watered-down lemon juice.

 

This face loomed over the eating area.

Its eyes, eyelids, eyebrows, and lips moved. Rest assured, this was CREEPY AS FUCK.

 

Snails, making art.

 

The SCA was there, allowing small children to sample the art of warfare…

 

…as well as pursuits of a more peaceful nature.

 

3D printers were there in abundance.

 

 

 

 

 

Now, this next section is so incredibly awesome that I need you guys to brace yourselves…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are you ready?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You sure?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, check this out…

SCULPTURES THAT SHOOT FLAME.

 

This image doesn’t appropriately convey the size of this giant iron dandelion (and, by the way, Yrön Dåndélyönn is the name of my new black metal band).

It’s about twenty feet tall.

 

Not really a fire-shooting sculpture, but this thing was cool and looked like something you’d see in a Fallout game.

 

Of course, this was the thing that made the heavy metal fan in me die a little with joy…

A GIGANTIC IRON DRAGON SCULPTURE.

THAT IS ALSO A CHILDREN’S PLAY STRUCTURE.

AND A SOUNDSYSTEM.

BAD.

ASS.

 

I was gazing raptly at this giant, beautiful monstrosity, thinking, This is one of the coolest things at the Maker Faire so far. The only thing that would be better is if it could breathe fire. 

The second I thought that, this happened:

BY THE HAMMER OF THOR YES.

This was the shortest turnaround from dream to reality that I’ve ever experienced.

I never got the names of the people who made this beautiful piece of congealed epic.

I bet we could hang out.

 

Actually, you know what? I’m having an upcoming D&D campaign this summer. Now, it’s a bit of a stretch, considering the medieval fantasy setting I’m considering, but I kind of want to put this monstrosity in my campaign.

Although…

My friend Finn has been on me to make a steampunk-themed campaign. If I ever do that, I’m definitely going to put this thing into the story.

You know. Because steampunk D&D campaigns absolutely HAVE to have a fire-breathing robot dragon.

I think it’s in the DMG.

 

This fellow had a nice bicycle.

Since I mentioned that I wanted this picture for my blog, he gave me the business card for his website, in case any of my ten regular readers are interested in wooden bikes with piratical themes. They’re called Masterworks Wood and Design, and they’re based in San Jose.

You know. Check them out.

That’s all for today. My trilogy of Maker Faire retrospectives wraps up tomorrow, so stay tuned.

Now my reward… blessed, blessed sleep.

~ Ian

The Beatles: Bread. The basic staple on which all Western food (or, in this case, rock music) is built.

Pink Floyd: Pasta. At first glance, it looks pretty boring, but then you realize that there’s way more variety in it than you think.

The Doors: Doritos. Really good to have around when you’re high.

Journey: Budweiser. The classic staple of both the working-class Average Joe and the party-crazy college student.

Queen: Potato chips. Tasty, crunchy, and fun to listen to– and I bet you can’t listen to just one song.

Talking Heads: Jello. You can’t stand still– you just have to start wiggling.

Dream Theater: Cheese. Occasionally delicious, yes, but you can’t have a diet of just cheese.

Dead Can Dance: Pho. Exotic, dark, and filling– and doesn’t get nearly as much credit as it deserves.

Fall Out Boy: Coke Zero. Sweet and fizzy, but not really substantial in any meaningful way.

30 Seconds to Mars: Cookie dough. Good to have around in case of a breakup.

Jonathan Coulton: Cup Noodles. The staple food of Geek-Americans.

Mastodon: Bacon. Sometimes you’ve just gotta have it.

Justin Bieber: Cheez-Whiz. A vile abomination that deserves to be destroyed.

 

~ Ian

So I’m back from Kirkwood, and these are the things that happened…

  • My brother broke his face. Seriously: he ran into a tree in the backcountry and broke three bones in his face, including the zygomatic arch. In all honesty, I’m glad he’s alive– if he hadn’t been wearing a helmet, there’s a high chance that he might have died.
  • I got to look at a CAT scan of the inside of my brother’s face. Calum, my dad, and Gabby went into Tahoe to have Calum’s face scanned, and we got a CD with his scan back. I got to look inside Calum’s eyeballs. It was awesome.
  • I played Dragon Age: Origins, which was great, since I got it for Christmas and haven’t got a chance to play it yet. My reaction? It’s AWESOME, and it’s one of the few games that I’ve played where I want to skip the boring combat scenes so I can get to the interesting parts where people are talking. That’s a good thing.
  • I watched Super 8, and invented a drinking game: whenever there is a lens flare, take a shot. (Of course, playing this game would be problematic, because you’d be plastered by the end of the first act.)
  • I skied. But that’s not a surprise.
  • On the way back from Kirkwood, we stopped at Five Guys Burgers and Fries in Dublin (California, not Ireland). Which was good, because their burgers are great.

Anyway, I’m back in Santa Cruz now. Business-as-normal can resume.

~ Ian

This is an ACTUAL QUOTE that was said at dinner tonight…

“I think you could have a very profitable business selling leather goods made from celebrity skin.”

I’m not sure if this is something that sounds worse taken out of context or in context. Let’s just say that it’s only about a 7 on the 1-to-10 scale of bizarreness for things that we talk about around the eatin’ table.

~ Ian