Dear All Other States: Our State Flag Is Better Than Yours

Posted: March 1, 2013 in Uncategorized
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Many of you may have pride in your states. Many of you may even like your state flags. This is perfectly fine. You may even think that your state flag is the best state flag in the country.

Of course, you’d be wrong.

Unless you live in California.



As you can see, California’s state flag has three elements that conspire to make it awesome.

The Star: Red stars on state flags are cool. It doesn’t matter if the red star is considered communist. Red stars are still cool.

The Motto: Any time you have a flag, it should have the name of a nonexistent country on it. Yes, the California Republic did actually exist, but only for about a month at the tail end of the Mexican-American War. The “California Republic” is completely gone now, and yet it still exists, on our state flag. Former countries: Cool.

The Bear: Basically, what I’m trying to say is, OUR STATE FLAG HAS A BEAR ON IT AND YOURS DOES NOT.

You might be saying, “But the only species of bear in California is the black bear! The California Grizzly went extinct in the 19th century due to expanding population and overhunting!”

TOUGH. Both of those things are true. But both other elements don’t exist in California either. California holds no independent republics or red dwarf stars, YET THERE THEY ARE ON OUR FLAG. And besides, bears are awesome. Oh, what’s that, Oregon? You say that your flag is cool because it has a beaver? Beavers are lame. They have only two uses: making ponds and having skins that can be turned into hats for 18th-century French ladies. In a fight, a bear will shank a beaver to the ground. 

To sum it all up, our flag has a fucking bear on it.

We win by default.

~ Ian


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