Dear Anyone Who Might Possibly Listen: Please Stop

Posted: January 26, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

So, I was watching the X Games (because if watching men do backflips on snowmobiles while forty feet in the air is wrong, I don’t want to be right), and a commercial for THIS came on:

HanselGretel-Poster-IMAX-610x956

GOD DAMMIT HOLLYWOOD THIS HAS GOT TO STOP.

People often talk about how movies and books are too saturated with vampires and zombies these days, but that doesn’t bother me nearly as much as the fact that every hack seems to want to do dark, gritty reimaginings of Grimm’s Fairy Tales. 

THIS IS NOT ORIGINAL NOR CREATIVE. IT IS JUST FUCKING LAZY.

It seems like it happens every goddamn year. We’ve gotten Red Riding Hood as a werewolf hunter, and Snow White as a leather-clad warrior maiden, and now this nonsense!?

And every time that one of these shellacky Hollywood “reimaginationings” of fairy tales comes out, they always have the same tagline: “IT’S A CLASSIC STORY WITH A NEW TWIST!!!!!!!!!” Umm, no. It’s not. There are already tons of “dark, gritty, updated” versions of these stories. What you are doing is not “new”. It’s formulaic, and please please stop this red stuff coming out of my ears is blood my brain is bleeding.

You know what you should do? Like, an erotic tale starring adult versions of Dorothy of Oz, Alice in Wonderland, and Wendy from Peter Pan. That could be interesting.

What? It’s already been done?

…Alan Moore, you smeghead.

~ Ian

 

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Comments
  1. Ian Johnson says:

    Wow. Two new posts in one day.

    I must be on some kind of roll, here.

  2. […] Dear Anyone Who Might Possibly Listen: Please Stop […]

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