do not search either of these phrases with the google safe search off

Posted: September 8, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Okay. In order to illustrate the below conversation, here is an image:


This infernal device (for lack of a better word) is known as the HAVE A BLAST! BUTT PUTT. In case you are wondering, yes, this is a putting green where you attempt to knock a golf ball up a fat plastic white-man anus. Why this product exists, I have no idea. But it does exist, for reasons that I cannot fathom– and must not, for I intend to retain my sanity.

Now. Gabby came across a picture of this… thing… in a catalog that was sent out through the mail, full of useless things for useless people to spend their shiny gold rocks on. Upon viewing the aforesaid item, a conversation thus proceeded:

GABBY: Ooh! Have-a-Blast Butt Putt!

ME: (mishearing) Apple Blast Butt Pie?

CALUM: No– it’s Have-a-Blast Butt Putt.

ME: I think that Apple Blast Butt Pie is far worse.

GABBY: Yeah, you’re probably right.

Because I’m curious, I wonder if I could create a recipe for Apple Blast Butt Pie. And if I did, how far would my mind descend into madness, into the realm where nothing exists but the sound of me inside my head, my endless screams echoing off the walls of my skull?

~ Ian


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