Eleven Excuses For Why You’ve Been Slacking Off On Your Book

Posted: August 20, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

The Classic: My dog ate my laptop. No, seriously. She just walked right in here and started chowing down. Terrible, I know! I was able to save the hard disk, and I have backups, but the computer’s totally destroyed. So I’m going to have to wait to get a new one before I start writing.

The Hipster: I can’t find a proper coffee shop to do my writing in! I need a coffee shop that has fresh free-trade organic coffee, as well as downtempo ambient music and a cute barista with a nose piercing and a nice rack. Anything other than such a coffee shop will simply JUST NOT DO. Since I can’t find this elusive vendor of caffeinated beverages, I simply cannot write.

The Hassled Parent: My three-year-old daughter fell off the kitchen counter and twisted her ankle. I had to take her to the emergency room, and when I came back I found that the nineteen-month-old had eaten a jumbo box of Crayolas and was pooping out rainbows. I had to go to the emergency room again, naturally, and when I came home, my loving wife who decided to keep working after we had kids came home, so I made her dinner and gave her a backrub before we went to bed at 9 pm.

The Freshman: Ohmygod, I had this MASSIVE paper that I had to write for my Psych 101 class, it was like SIX pages long, my professor is such a BI-OTCH! Anyway, when I was done my friend Natalie came over and wanted to smoke some weed and so I got out my bong, and then I forgot what happened until you just came in.

The Penthouse Forum: I was trying to write when this gorgeous redhead with massive double-D hooters walked in, fixed me with a fiery green-eyed stare, and then ripped off my pants, when we made hot sticky animal love all day on the kitchen table. Seriously. This actually happened. We sexed, and it was hot.

The Otaku: I stayed up until four in the morning watching Samurai Champloo. What? Like you haven’t done the same thing.

The Hyperactive Six-Year-Old: I tried to, but then a bunch of ninjas ran into the room waving laser swords, which are like lightsabers only bigger and awesomer, and I hat to fight them! So I got on my rocket skateboard and summoned my thousand-foot-tall dinosaur-dragon REXTOR XR™, and Batman came and punched a guy in the nuts, and… and… what? Why don’t you believe me? PLEASE BELIEVE ME!

The Put-On-The-Spot: Why I haven’t been writing? Well… um… there’s a funny story about that… um… *points* HEY LOOK A DISTRACTION! *runs away*

The Lights-On-Nobody-Home: *black stare* *drool coming out of corner of mouth*

The Bodhisattva: I was achieving inner tranquility.

The Actual: I was making a list of excuses for not working on your book for my lame blog.

~ Ian


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