om nom nom nom nom de plume

Posted: July 3, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

I’ve occasionally considered writing under a pen name.

When I was in high school, I wanted to write under the name of Ian Gilmour once I got published (under the influence of Pink Floyd guitarist David Gilmour, and by the fact that there’s already another famous Ian Johnson, and he’s not me). Right now, I’ve been using the first of my two middle initials in all the stories that I write, so that I’m Ian P. Johnson.

Of course, a lot of writers use tons of pen names. In a lot of ways it’s a form of branding. Let’s say you have a prolific author-man, named Ort J. Lothfus. Now, Ort might write in lots of different genres, so he uses a different name for every genre he writes in. So when you’re picking up a book by Ort’s technothriller pen name, you would be expecting a completely different book than you’d get if you picked up one written by Ort’s nurse romance pen name.

Unfortunately, the best pen name ever, which is clearly Anne Onymous, has already been taken. So I’m going to have to look elsewhere.

Here is a list of my potential pen names by genre:

Thriller

  • Tedd Punnischer
  • Max Caliber
  • Jack Steele
  • Brian Pfister
  • David Glock
  • James Gore
  • Mike Irons
  • Jason Nine Millimeter

Romance (hey, it’s unlikely, but it could happen)

  • Dianna Heartley
  • Julia Whisper
  • Angela DeVille
  • Linda Swift
  • Michelle Worthington
  • Emma Blakeley
  • Elizabeth Pashynne
  • Magdalena Sachet
  • Rachel Abbington

Gay Erotica

  • Randall Hardwood
  • Willy Peters
  • Steven Thruste
  • Richard Bigby
  • Marcus Head
  • Jack Shaft
  • insert any other terrible dick joke here, basically
  • Peter Johnson

Chicana Lesbian Erotica

  • Esperanza Chingarse
  • Silvia Dos Mujeres
  • Teresa Encama
  • Paulina Tetagrande
  • Alicia Consolador
  • Graciela Trepidora
  • Maria Duchafría

Erotic Twilight Slashfic

  • Blake Hihara

On a more serious note, I have a cool idea for a science fiction novel, and if I ever publish it, I actually will use a pen name for that. I’ve actually thought about the pen name that I’m going to use for that, and it is:

Sean Shepherd.

Why, specifically? Well, you have to understand that “Ian” is the Scots Gaelic version of “John”, and the word for “John” in Scots Gaelic’s closest living relative, Irish, is “Sean”. As for the last part, I’ve decided on that because my mom’s last name, and my second middle name, is “Shafer”. And of course, schäfer is the German word for… I think that you can figure it out from there.

And I might just use Roger Gilmour as a pen name one of these days.

(Ha! Get it? “One of These Days” is a Pink Floyd song! Ha! Ha! Ha! I am laughing, and yet nobody else finds it funny!)

~ Ian

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Comments
  1. Blake says:

    Ian, I’m hurt! You know I dabble in Harry Potter erotic slashfic under the pen name Neville Lovebottoms. Lowblow man!

    Otherwise, good stuff, hah!

    • Ian Johnson says:

      Funny– It turns out my Harry Potter slashfic pen name is Luna Goodlover.

      COULD THIS BE A POSSIBLE INDICATION OF OUR ROMANTIC COMPATIBILITY?????????

      (answer: no)

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